Numb

Have you ever had a situation come up in your life that completely drained you? You had given all of your mental capacity to it, to where you feel extremely soul-sucked. Where your mental health was suffering and affecting your physical health as well. I had one of those experiences recently. It has taken me quite a bit of time to recover from.

There is no book out there to really prepare you for how to parent a child who has suffered such trauma. Since the time of our adopted children moved in, we sat with them and discussed how to prepare them for the future. We mostly focused these conversations with our oldest since they would be leaving first. We would discuss finance, social norms, and adulthood in general. We always told them to ask us anything no matter how embarrassing or silly they thought it would be.

But what do you do after four years of constant instruction where the child doesn’t or hasn’t taken the information you have given? We have learned over the past couple weeks how this child has turned everything on its head to manipulate us into what they really want. They want us to be the people who will take the blame for everything that goes wrong in their life. They want us to give them every single thing they ask. None of this is realistic!

So after this discovery, how do you explain to them none of what they are doing is right? We have tried to have many conversations over the past couple weeks about manipulation. They have completely lashed out at us for even thinking this is what they are doing. They are in a state of complete denial of their actions to others in the home. Their constant threats and violence has been more than our family can bear.

How did we respond through this all? Well unfortunately, we had to install security cameras in our home for everyones safety. We decided to make sure two adults in the home at all times when they are around. On the worst days the cops had to make a visit. Through this all I have spent every single ounce of my mental and emotional being to this. It has left me very depleted.

Where are they now? Moved away to college for the first time. Excited, scared, fearful, hateful, bitter, and angry. Our home finally has peace for the first time in months. The mood of the home is still off, as we are all still coping from the events of the past couple weeks.

From here on, my husband has to be the one to do all the talking to this child. For my part I pray daily for them. I am currently not able to let anymore of myself be pulled back into the hurt. I have to focus on my mental health right now. I have to focus on being a mom to the other adopted child in our home.