Getting By

A common phrase we all say is, “I’m ok”. These are words we say to get people to leave us alone. A phrase we use to avoid conversation… The biggest reason we say them is for people to notice we are hurting. I have definitely used them for all of these reasons. How about you?

I have been known for saying I’m ok to get people to leave me alone. Mostly, cause I don’t want to share with that person what is going on. Not because I’m being mean, but for the reason of what I am going through right at that moment hurts too much to talk about. For me I show all my emotion on my face. I could try harder to just smile through it, but really what is the point. Sometimes the hurt you go through hurts too much to even fake a smile.

I am very good at avoiding a conversation I don’t want to have. I will listen to someone’s point of view and not give my thoughts to what was said. Especially when it’s something someone wants me to do instead of what I actually want for myself. Bite my tongue and hold my breath. But how long can a person continue to do that though?

A lot of times we still go out in public even when we are hurting so deeply on the inside. Mostly out of obligation to a commitment we have made. I would much rather hide from the hurt though. Hide from the ones who have hurt me. I like to be away from the person to keep the hurt from rising up every time I see them.

Even through it all I always work to keep my heart from being bitter toward the ones who have hurt me. I pray for my heart to let it all go. I pray for my mind to stop racing through all the hurt words said. I pray for peace to come over me. I also pray for lots of grace and mercy not just for myself but for others too. In the end I know all will be ok.