Mother’s Day, so what!

Growing up I was so looking forward to celebrating Mother’s Day as a Mom. I had so many exceptations of what this day would look like. Breakfast in bed. Kids running and jumping on my bed giving me hugs and kisses. Just love and adoration. The reality of this day is nothing like I dreamed.

My first Mother’s Day was celebrated during Covid. That was definitely a great day. The kids tried so hard to make it memorable, even though we couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. Second Mother’s Day, the youngest went out the night before and came home the next day sick. They were vomiting excessively. We didn’t get to do anything that day either. Yesterday was my third Mother’s Day. Seems like in typical fashion one of the kids was not making the best decisions the day before.

Sabotage? Resentment? Trauma? Anger? There are so many things that come to mind when I reflect on how the kids treat me in the days leading up to Mother’s Day. This is the only holiday where the kids are triggered. All the other holidays they act completely normal. Not Mother’s Day! Trying to get them to talk about their birth family has been hard. They say very little about them and they don’t initiate the discussion.

I have tried really hard to put myself in their shoes. Why celebrate Mother’s Day when your mother wasn’t able to raise you? So many emotions with having a mother who put themselves first all the time instead of putting their child. Abandonment… The feeling of being given up…

Where to go from here? My expectations and their trauma. Yesterday I decided to just go hang out with my own mom for lunch. This gave the kids time to do whatever to keep themselves from not blowing up at me. When my husband got home from work, we then went to eat dinner together. This seemed to work out for all parties involved. Hard to believe this was the last Mother’s Day with both of them together.