Family Member or Housemate

For the past couple months our almost 19 year-old has been pushing boundaries. My husband and I have had many conversations lately about the best course of action. Yesterday things had boiled over to where we had to deliver an ultimatum. We asked our child to leave the house while they were in a fit of rage, to keep everyone safe. While they were away we had to take our past weeks worth of conversations and put them into action.

We decided to come up with a ‘Contract’ for them and us to agree upon. I know it sounds extreme, but we had come to the end of our rope. Their actions were putting my health in an even more problematic situation. They have been doing their part of their responsibilities not to completion. When we approach them about these things, they just throw in our face about how what we are asking of them. That it is too much.

At the start of the contract we wrote out all that we ask of them to be responsible for. Beside each item we wrote how long it takes to complete the task. The longest one task would take is half an hour. Not all tasks are even done on the same day, with some days having no tasks at all. These tasks are asked of each person in the house. Being a family member means helping around the family home.

On the backside of the contract we wrote down how much it would financially cost them to become a housemate. We wrote down the cost of rent, utilities, food, and laundry. We also said if you choose this option you will not be responsible for certain house tasks. There would still be some non-negotiable tasks like their house curfew and maintaining their half of the bathroom.

Some other added things we asked them to take over, were for them to get their own vehicle insurance. Plus get the vehicle in their name. This was a decision we have been trying to push them for awhile into taking ownership. Once we had this written up, I asked my husband to call them for when they could meet in a public location to discuss where to go from here. I did not attend the meeting since my presence causes too many emotions they can’t control while being near me.

After 45 minutes, My hubs comes home with a signed contract from them. They had agreed to continue being a family member. They are also selling us their vehicle and dropping insurance. They don’t want to have the financial responsibility of owning a vehicle. At their age it may seem like a big deal to cut this out, but for them their car is about to blow up from having numerous problems. They wanted to be rid of the stress it was causing. In the late summer they will be moving away to living on campus. No more commuting.

Some may ask did we offer to let them move out? Of course we did. It was written on the very bottom of the page as an option. They could choose from: Family Member, Housemate, or move out. It may look like we pinched their hands behind their back. The decision was all on them to decide their future. Sometimes you get to parent very lovingly and sometimes you have to parent sternly. All still done out of love.