Backlash

The past couple months have been a strain to say the least when it comes to parenting. One child on the way to making better decisions from their almost year long of putting themselves on a bad path. The other child crashing… What’s a parent to do? It’s like a flip flop, one child to the other. The biggest hurdle is this child is now almost 19.

How do you lovingly guide them through the things that will destroy their life? How do you teach them to still show respect to us as parents through their most stressful time of life? How do you give them enough room to make decisions for growth and failure? How do we try and keep our own sanity and health?

Our eldest is now going through some things that could effect their life negatively. We have had many conversations with them over consequences of this lifestyle. But with being an 18 year old, they want to do what they want when they want. We as their parents have drawn the line in the sand on where we stand on the matter. We have instructed them as to what is to be the rules they are to follow. There have been times they are wanting to push past these lines. We have held firm with our decisions no matter how hard they are pushing into that line.

The amount of respect given to us during this time has been nonexistent. This has been increasingly difficult to navigate. Their words hurt the heart! I have had many times where I have just left the house when they are blowing up in a fit of rage. I have decided for my mental health to not be around and listen to these words of anger. My husband stays and tries to calm our child. I have to remember to not react during this time. It is best to remove myself so I will also not say words out of anger.

Our child’s decisions of late have not been the best. But we also know they are an almost 19 year old trying to do life their way. Do we want them to make decisions that will harm them or others, of course not. They also do not want any parental guidance at this time. So what are we to do? Well, let them fail. Let them make those bad decisions. Let them… be. Very hard thing to do when you love your children so much and don’t want to see them hurting.

Just last night they wanted to stay out later than I wanted. So I called them to remind them of the rules for them. They said I was being rude for enforcing such things. I reminded them that for this time of their life they still live under our roof. I needed to give them more of an understanding of why the curfew for them was to be put into place. As adults, we need sleep to function for our families and work. If we are not receiving enough sleep our health declines as well as our temperament. This small conversation was enough to help them have a little understanding as to why such a strict guideline. Them staying out at all hours of the night was keeping me awake until they would finally come home. For me I know I can not function on only a few hours of sleep before being pushed into poor mental and physical health.

Such a hard transition from adolescence to adulthood. Trying to figure yourself out. Trying to make so many adult decisions that will alter your life to who you want to become. How do we as parents help guide them? We listen! This is to be our main objective. Be honest as well. The words we say may not be what they want to hear, but the words need to be spoken for their understanding.