“18”

Oh what an age… when I was growing up I knew my place in the house even at the 18 year old age. I knew to be home at a certain time. I knew to be respectful to my parents. I knew exactly what was excepted of me while I still lived at home as a very young adult.

The biggest thing I remember in my very early 20’s, was trying to figure myself out at an adult. I remember having fights with my mother. We always knew how to push each others buttons. No surprise she got an exact replica of herself. One who is no holds bar. We would argue over the dumbest things too. Nothing that was going to make or break my life.

The most hurtful words I would ever say to her was, ‘I am adult now, I will do whatever I want’. I never really understood how much those words hurt til I heard them for the first time from my own child. We want our children to hurry up and grow to adulthood to take some responsibility, but we are never really ready to hear those words. When we hear those words from our child for the first time all we hear is a little child having a temper tantrum about how we are ruining their life.

When my child likes to use this phrase it’s because they want us to agree with a decision they are making. This decision is not usually a good one. They are hurtful to themselves and others. The consequences are definitely life changing. We gently remind them, yes, you are 18. But you do still live here with us for a time, we are still responsible for you under this roof. Their adult actions will have very negative consequences for the entire family at the age of 18. Adults have different consequences than children.

So where does a parent go from here? Lots of open conversations about the expectations of co-living together. Will they agree or like any of this? Probably not. No ‘adult’ wants rules. Even if those rules are to keep them safe from themselves. The best thing we as parents can do is keep talking to them about everything they want to know. Be honest, prepare them as best we can, and let them make some decisions that will hurt.