Reacting vs Responding

Last spring some things had come up in our parenting we didn’t have a clear picture on how to handle. So I reached out to a dear friend who had some older children who went through some similar things. As I spilled the story through tears, anger, and concern, they told me two very important words every parent needs to know. Reacting and responding.

With these words I had to figure out what they mean. The definition of reacting is: respond with hostility or in haste. As parents, especially moms, we quickly react out of raw emotion. What does that look like when we react out of blind emotion? It means as soon as we hear specific words we lose all sense. Our thoughts turn so red, so angry, so overwhelmed with grief. We immediately feel we have failed as parents.

Now responding is a much harder thing to do. I have spent months working this out in my own life. I have had to train my mom brain to listen to the entire conversation without emotion. That is the hardest thing to do!!!! To sit there and listen to your child tell you everything they are going through and what they have done. You have to be willing to put the other person first in the conversation. You have to put everything you feel out of the conversation. You have to remain CALM!

One of my children was having a very honest open conversation with me about something they had done, I had to remind myself to keep my mouth shut and ears open. Wow, the things they were talking to me about… I responded by saying I was very thankful they came to me with such openness. I know they wanted an answer to the situation, but at that moment I could not give them an answer. I had to step away and take some time to reflect on all of this. Our children have begun to become more patient with us answering them back after a break to reflect. They now understand it’s better for us as parents to have time to step away and have a conversation as the parents.

I am by no means a master at doing this, sometimes I still have a react day. But when we as parents do this in the right mind frame it brings the family together. Closer in trust and honesty. I remind myself daily, responding is done after timely consideration.