Being OK

There comes a point as a parent where you have to let go of your children. A time in their life where you pass all decision making over. You have given them all the insight you can and you let them go. This is not a day we look froward too. But this is not the point for today. This is about how we handle the days after.

There are many stages through ones life we will grieve. In the stages of raising children, coming to grips with our children not needing us can be difficult to navigate. We pour everything into raising them, and with the flick of a switch they will say they don’t need us. We will spend many days crying over the hurt, the anger, and the realization of what is to come. So many days crying about how we feel as a failure parent-wise. But even this timeframe is not the point I am speaking of.

I am speaking of the days after the despair and crying. The days you feel numb. How do we ‘Be OK’, when we feel so numb? So many times when talking to people I will come off numb. Why do I appear so numb? My body is trying to preserve itself. It’s a protection. My body knows my mental state can’t handle anymore. So it will preserve anything I have left in me. Does this mean I am numb mentally, of course not. When we speak to others about what we are going through it is natural to go through phases. Phases of weeping, phases of anger, and to then a phase of numbness.

Watching your child make decision after decision down the wrong path keeps you in a numb stage. Every wrong decision they make puts you back at the beginning of this stage. Being ok feels like a state of survival mode or going through the motions. The being ok stage is a weird one to go through. You want it to pass quickly, but you feel it repeating itself over and over again. It’s crazy how their decisions can impact your life especially the emotional side. Numb again. OK again.

It took me a long time to deal with the being ok stage. Some days I slip back into it. Then I have to remind myself, my child is making their own decisions for a life they want live or tryout. My child’s free will is their own. I am not a failure as a parent.